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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Don't mess with a man that can't take care of you

Mrs. Mattie is the one who told me if he can't provide for you he's not the one for you, and I lived by that all my life.  I listened to Mrs. Mattie and took all the wisdom that she had.  I was not going to live my life like Elenor.  I was determined that I was going to do better than she had and I did just that.

Mrs. Mattie always told me that I could do anything that I set my mind to.  Although Mrs. Mattie knew that I was going in the wrong direction she always said I was the one that she never worried about because she knew that out of all of her grandchildren, I was the strongest one and I would be the one to find my way.  At the time I never really knew what she meant by that but now I do.

I knew that if no one believed in me she always did and although I was doing my dirt, I never asked anyone for anything.  I was taking care of myself and I wasn't out there having a bunch of babies by a bunch of different men.

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Someone believes in me

For many years Mrs. Mattie was my strength.  When no one else believed in me she never stopped.  Mrs. Mattie always had hope for me.  She seen me turning for the worse but she still kept me in her prayers.  When everyone thought that I was lying about the Reece situation, Mrs. Mattie always knew that I was telling the truth and she was determined that she was not going to let Elenor or anyone else keep hurting me.

I had gotten really sick and everything Mrs. Mattie was doing was not helping and she had to take me to the doctor.  When I got in to see the doctor the doctor told me that I was going to be admitted in the hospital immediately.  I got to the hospital and they admitted me.  They took x-rays of me and found out that it was my appendix.  An hour later they were rushing me through emergency surgery.  The next day I found out that I was very lucky because they said if I hadn't gotten to the hospital when I did I could've died that day.  My appendix ruptured as they were taking it out, so I only got a little of the poison in me.  I had a tube running down my stomach pumping the poison out for a month.  I knew that God was on my side all the time.  Mrs. Mattie stood by my side every step of the way.  She always said that prayer was the answer to everything.  Sometimes I just couldn't pray because I felt like God wasn't listening to me.

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Grandparents are special people

Grandmothers are special creatures with special powers.  I always thought that Mrs. Mattie Gardner was a super hero, because every time you needed her she was always there and she always seemed to know the problem before you told her.

My grandmother was a very special lady.  Mrs. Mattie was in church more than she was at home.  All I know is that for someone to be so into church she kept a home for my grandfather and he did not have to want for anything.  My grandfather was a very astounding man.  He was in the Military for years and that when him and Mrs. Mattie met and fell in love.  My grandfather took very good care of my grandmother.  They were the perfect couple to me.  Yes they had their disagreements but before they would go to bed they would make up.  They were determined that they were not going to go to bed angry.

Mrs. Mattie and Mr. Jeffrey, that was my grandfather's name, were very opposite.  Mrs. Mattie knew everyone in the church world and Mr. Jeffrey knew everyone in the street world, but for some reason it worked out very well for them.  All I knew was that one day I would follow in their footsteps.  I would marry my knight and shining armor and we would be married until death do us part just like my grandparents.

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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Lacy is a snitch...(JCD)

Ronny wanted to work things out with me but I just couldn't trust him after that incident so I felt like it would be easier for us to just be friends.  He was not happy when I gave him my suggestion but he told me that he would rather be my friend then to be nothing at all.  While I was living with my grandmother, trying to put my life back together, Lacy was screwing Ronny every chance she got.  Lacy was screwing Ronny's cousin and his homies, but you couldn't tell Ronny anything.

A little over six months Ronny thought that he could trust Lacy.  The whole time he was trying to trust her she was playing him.  I knew that she was playing him but it wasn't my place to tell him that, he was just going to have to find out for himself.  I felt like everything did to him he deserved it for dogging me the way that he did; when I gave him all of me.

Lace thought that if she could convince him to trust her she would get his entire operation on camera and give it to the FBI and that's exactly what she did.  I seen the empire that I helped build fall down to nothing but ashes.

The first time that I seen Lacy, I knew that something wasn't right about her.  I always told them that they couldn't trust every big booty heifer that they meet but as you see they didn't take me serious.  By the time Lacy finished showing the FBI and the court the video tape she had him married and doing 8-10 years in the federal penitentiary.

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Have you ever been snitched on by someone that you love? If so who?
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You leave me and now I have to go to jail (JCD)

Cederick picked me up put me in the Suburban and took me to his house.  I stayed at Cederick's for two weeks.  I was so depressed that all I wanted to do was stay in the bed and cry every day.  When I started feeling better I went to the house to pick up some clothes and I seen that he had some of her stuff mixed in with mine like I wouldn't notice.  I cut up all of her stuff and spread it all on the floor so that when they walked in the house they could see that I had been there.  As I was walking out the door to get back in the car a police pulled up and asked me for my name.  When I game my name they told me that I was under arrest for attempted murder.  I was kind of angry that this was happening to me right at this moment when everything that could go wrong was, but I was not shocked nonetheless.  When I got processed and was able to make my phone call, I called Ronny and told him that he better come and get me because I knew that he had something to do with this.  Ronny told me that he was not coming to get me until I calmed down.

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Who is Lacy? (JCD)

The next day I went over to Sasha's to kick it with her.  When I got over there she had a house full of women.  I thought it was odd for Sasha to have a house full of women because we never hung with any women.  Sasha was glad and shocked to see me because she didn't know I was back.  She was introducing me to the women and she said that I was Ronny's girl and before she could say my name one of the women said "so you must be Lacy."  I was very shocked by what I had just heard so my response was "excuse me what did you just say?"  She repeated herself and I got angry.  I asked Sasha who the hell was Lacy and why this woman thinks that Ronny's woman's name is Lacy. Sasha was trying to calm me down so that she could explain but she wasn't explaining to me fast enough.  The woman kept talking slick so I grabbed her by her throat and pushed her on the wall and told her that if she didn't start talking and tell me everything she knew that I would kill her.  The woman spilled all the goods and that was all I needed.

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When things start to change (JCD)

I was gone for two weeks and the whole time I was in California Ronny was sending me money and making sure that I could go shopping or do whatever I wanted to do.  I was glad and nervous, at the same time, to be in California with my friends and family because when I come through town it's for business only and then I'm out.  I couldn't stop worrying about what Ronny was doing.  I was hoping that he was doing okay and that he was maintaining the businesses like he was suppose to.  I couldn't say that he was doing anything crazy because whenever I would call he would answer and if I needed anything he was right on it.  I never had to wait for him to do anything.  For some reason my gut was telling me that something wasn't right but I wasn't going to make any accusations before having all the details.

When I got home I was glad to be there to see him but he was busy and he had Cederick to pick me up from the airport.  Cederick did not take me home right away; he said that he had a stop to make before he took me home.  I wasn't tripping because I knew that Ronny was probably not at the house anyways and I was up for the ride.

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Get out or Go to Jail?....(JCD)

Females hated me because they knew that I was spoiled.  I really didn't care though because I loved all the attention that I was getting.  People respected me because they knew that I didn't take anything from anyone not women or men.  I found the furniture that I wanted.  I set up a time for the furniture to be delivered, called the homies and they met me at the house with the truck.  I was packing the house as they were loading it.  I started to feel queasy so I started moving a little faster.  We were loaded and ready to go in two hours and I was so ready to go.

I told Rob that he should think about taking his girl and the kids to his moms or something for a little while until it calmed down but he insisted on staying.  I was not going to stop him; he was grown and could do whatever he wanted to do.  It was his choice but Ronny and I was not going to stay over there we were out.

The next night Lashelle called me and asked me where we were at and I asked her why she wanted to know.  Lashelle told me that the police had the whole block closed off and they were at my house raiding it.  I started to laugh because the joke was on them, but deep down all I could say was thank you God for showing me a way out.  I knew then that I had a gift and a special relationship with God.

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Makin major changes...A thief in the JCD fam

After getting all the evidence we needed Ronny called Isaiah and told him that they needed to have a meeting the following morning to discuss the future plans for the club.  Ronny was planning to get rid of him ASAP by any means necessary.  I was glad to know that we were going to make some major changes with the car club because this was the money that would fix the cars up so that we could win car shows and travel out of town to these car shows that we were participating in.  We were trying to get on the map.

While we were fixing the problems with the car club were starting to have other problems.  The block was getting hot and we had to make some major changes.  The homies were starting to go to jail and doing some major time.  The Police wanted to catch Ronny but they couldn't because every time they tried they kept coming up short or maybe Ronny just kept coming up clean.  Ronny was smart and when he was slipping I was there to pick up the pieces.  We made a great team.  While the police were trying to catch Ronny we just kept one step ahead of them.

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The beginning of something beautiful...Welcome JCD

Things were starting to get hot because there was a drought and we were the only ones in the town that had any dope.  Because we were the only people in the town that had any dope we were not selling any weight which meant that we were making all the money.  We kept the money in the clique but it didn't go any further than that.

Ronny and I decided to invest our money in something positive, we started a car club called JCD, Jus Calm Down.  We already had enough members to start a legit car club and it was going to be easy to get the organization off the ground.  We were both business oriented and when we worked together we were a powerful couple.  We got the club off the ground and it was turning into a huge success.

The car club was becoming such a success we had people will to pay extra just to be a part of the club.  There was a waiting list and everything where people were waiting for their chance to be a part of JCD.  We traveled all over the United States and won numerous trophies.  We knew that this was going to be a successful business.  I was trying to work on some other things for us to invest our money in and I was not able to give the car club all of my attention any more.  To help me out Ronny decided to hire his cousin Isaiah.

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Is there anything that you would do differently? If so what?

Always watch your back (JCD)

A couple weeks after this incident I told Ronny to always watch himself and his surroundings when he is coming home because you just never know who may be following you.  Ronny assured me that he would be cautious but one night they were leaving from the club and they came straight to the house to see if I wanted to go to breakfast.  They were drunk and we lived about ten blocks from the club and they knew that they could make it to me so that I could drive to get us some breakfast.  They were so drunk they didn't realize that they were being followed.

One of my biggest customers that would come to the house lived next door to me and sometimes he would come to the back door get his dope and the hop back over the fence.  I never kept my back porch light on because no one ever came back there.  When the neighbor started coming to the back door I started leaving the back porch light on so that I could see who was walking up on me.

My other neighbors always checked on me when Ronny wasn't there.  On this particular night, I was sitting at home watching TV and I heard a knock on the door.  I grabbed my gun and looked out the peep hole.  I didn't see anyone out there.  I sat back on the couch turned the TV to mute to see if anyone was lurking around my house.  Rob and I had made a secret code for me to do if I ever needed him for something.  I thought that I had seen someone but I wasn't sure.  Before I could knock on the wall three times Rob had decided to take the trash out and when he was back in the back taking out the trash he noticed a man standing on my back porch smoking a joint.  Rob then proceeded to ask the man his business and when the man got smart with him Rob told him that it would be in his best interest to leave.  The man didn't want any problems so he pretended that he left.  When Rob  went back in the house he came out the front door.  He knocked on the door and announced himself.  I opened the door and he had told me what had just happened.  We went over the secret code because I told him that I had a feeling that this wasn't over.  I called Ronny and told him what was going on at the house and he informed me that he would be home in twenty minutes.  Before Ronny could get to the house it had already went down.  I seen a shadow at my back door and I could tell just by the shadow who it was because I had seen this shadow before.  It was like living in a nightmare all over again.  "Get away from my door." I screamed but he would not leave.  The shadow then tried to open up my door because he started twisting the knob and at that moment all I could think about was that I had to protect myself.  This man was not going to hurt me any more.  I started shooting.

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Paul and Tanya gone crazy...(JCD)

We went to the house called and checked on everybody and everybody was okay, except for three of the homies, who were not accounted for and no one had heard from them.

An hour later the phone rang and it was Paul.  Paul had told us that Malik and Jerome had been arrested when they were leaving the club.  Ronny got dressed went to the stash and pulled out the money.  He told me to get dressed and go with him.  I got dressed and went to the jail with him.  I signed for everyone to be released in my custody, while Ronny sat in the car and waited for us to come out.  We went to the house and Malik and Jerome found a place to sleep and Ronny and I went and got in the bed.

Paul and his girlfriend Tanya argued about everything.  They argued so much that they were known as the arguing couple.  Tanya was mad that Paul had not come home and Paul was trying to explain to her what had happened and told her that he was going to stay at the house until in the morning so that he wouldn't be messed with by the police.  Tanya did not like that he was not coming home.  I guess after she stewed over the situation she decided to get in her car, in her night gown and come over.  Tanya was beating on the door and yelling for Paul to come out but none of the homies would open the door.  Everyone just laid there and acted like they didn't hear her beating on the door and yelling like she was crazy as hell.  I got angry and got up out of the bed, put on my robe and went and opened the door.  When she saw it was me that opened the door she started yelling at me.  "Where is Paul? Are you the one he's sleeping with?  What's going on over here?  Somebody better start talking and talking fast," she yelled.  "You need to stop in your tracks right now.  Everybody is here and we are all sleep and don't you come over here with that drama. Now you need to take your ass home and take care of that baby and Paul will be home in the morning," I said.  "You go get Paul and tell him to get his ass out here right now and I'm not playing or you will be sorry," she yelled.  I laughed reached in my pocket and pulled my gun out and said, "You listen to me and listen to me good, the only one that is going to have a problem is you if you don't get your crazy ass off my porch. Now I'm not going to say it again, go home and Paul will be there in the morning.  The next time you open your mouth I will start shooting.  Now I'm giving you a chance to go home so please go home."  Tanya looked at me but she didn't say anything she just turned around and got in her car and drove off.  I shut the door and told Paul not to let this happen again.  I went and lied down with my man and Paul's phone did not ring for the rest of the night.  The next morning when I got up to fix breakfast Paul told me that he appreciated how I handled Tanya and that he wouldn't allow it to happen anymore.

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A time for business and a time for pleasure (JCD)

Ronny was spoiling me.  Everyday I had something new.  I didn't want for anything and I never complained not even if he stayed out all night.

Most women would be very angry if their man stayed out all night long or even stayed out for days.  I wasn't angry at all because even though he might not have come home so that I could see him, when I woke up and opened my eyes there was always five hundred dollars or more laying on my night stand and there was no reason for me to complain at all about anything.

True enough there were days that I missed him but I understood that to have the finer things in life business is business and pleasure is pleasure and you never mix the two.

We hustled strong every day.  I hustled the house and he hustled the streets.  The police hated him because they could never catch him with anything and they were definitely trying.

We were doing it so big, that when we went out in public people thought that we were royalty because of the entourage that was always surrounding us.  We never went anywhere alone.  We always went in bundles.  I say bundles because there were so many of us that it didn't make any sense.  I loved the attention because I was the only girl and it  was always at least fifteen people with us at all times.  If we went to dinner and a movie we all went to dinner and a movie.  We had fun and I definitely can't complain about that.

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Takin care of the fam....(JCD)

A couple of days later after we had gotten settled in his sister Lashelle and mother Valarie walked down to the house because Ronny's brother Tyrone had told them that we moved down the street and they were coming to see if it was true.  I had never met his mother or his sister and this would be the first time.

Ronny tried to take care of his family the best way he knew how although he knew that they liked to keep shit started.  I was smoking a blunt and watching soul train getting ready to start my day and I heard the knock on the door.  I got kind of startled at first because I was not expecting anyone to come over especially not this early.  I grabbed the 360 hand gun that Ronny had just bought for me and went to the door.  I looked out the peep hole and saw two women standing on the porch and I thought that they were Jehovah witnesses.  "Go away, I don't want any," I yelled.  "This is Ronny's sister," she yelled back.  I started to laugh and opened the door.  " I apologized, I didn't know who you were and I thought you were Jehovah witnesses trying to mess up my breakfast."  "That's okay I understand," she said.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

We are goin to the top.....(JCD)

That night we called Cedrick and told him to come over we needed his help.  When Cedrick came to the house he seen all the dope on the table and asked, "Who did ya'll rob?" We started laughing and asked him to help us get it ready.  That was how I learned to cook dope, cut dope and weigh it.  Ronny didn't think that I was going to catch on as fast as I did but I did and we started balling out of control.  We controlled the dope game.  We had the whole city sold up.

Money was coming in so fast that Ronny wanted us to move from where we were.  We got a spot that was very secluded down the street from his mother.  The day before we were moving Ronny and I was watching a movie smoking a blunt cuddled up on the couch and we heard a knock at the door.  Neither one of us was expecting company; we were sure who was at the door.  Ronny grabbed his gun and went to the door.  He looked out the peep hole and saw that it was Nick banging on our door.  Ronny opened the door with his gun cocked and pointed at Nick.  "You better have a good damn reason why you are coming over to my house at this time of the night," he said.  Nick was scared to say anything when he saw that he had a gun pointed at him but he started explaining why he was coming over to our house in the middle of the night.  Nick started saying that he was coming over to talk to me because his grandfather had just passed and he needed to talk to someone and he thought about me.  "She doesn't want to talk to you.  I'm  sorry that you lost your grandfather but you are going to have to raise up outta here partna," Ronny said.  "Man I apologize, no disrespect," Nick said. then he turned around and started walking off.  "Wait man here take this," Ronny said and then slammed the door in his face.  I didn't see what Ronny had given to him so I had to ask.  Ronny said "I gave him sixty dollars so that he can go buy him some new shoes."  We started laughing and then continued to watch the movie.

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Ronny is the King....(JCD)

Instead of Ronny going out that night he had everyone come to the house and that was the first time I got to meet the majority of the homies.  They welcomed me with open arms and I was now part of the clique.  This was my family now.  There were so many homies that we were like one big happy family.

Malik came over to the house and you could tell that he was upset about the situation but I didn't care about how he felt.  He had first dibs and he didn't want it.  he just took if for a joke.

After Ronny introduced me to everybody and we had our smoke session he called Malik to the side.  I wasn't sure what he had said to Malik but whatever it was Malik wasn't very happy but he didn't argue about the situation.  I seen then that Ronny was the big man and everybody treated him like he was the king and he took care of his troop just like he was the king.

Everyone was very protective over Ronny.  Ronny was the life of the party and they always surrounded him like he was the king and now I was his queen.

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Would you ever date someone that had more than 10 friends? Why?
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When Kenya first meets Ronny....(JCD)

When I first met Ronny there was nothing attractive about him at all.  He was big and not very tall.  He wasn't short either but he was about 5 ft 8 and that's only two feet taller than me.  He had long black hair and he had it in a finger wave but he always wore a cap.  Ronny's voice was scratchy; he was dark and had bumps on his face.  Then he looked like a gang banger on top of all that.  It was just too much but when you got to know him all you could do was overlook all of that because his personality out shinned all of his flaws.  When I looked at him he was not ugly to me.  He was a cuddly teddy bear and I knew that no matter what this man had my back and I had his.

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Who's your girlfriend? (Ronny JCD)

After about the fifth ring he decided to answer the phone. It was Camilla, "Why are you not answering your phone? I've been trying to call you for an hour. What are you doing that you can't answer my call?" she said angrily. Ronny started laughing and the said, "Girl quit tripping, I told you before I left that we are done. There is no more me and you." "What do you mean there is no me and you?" "I'm done tripping with you. we are finished and for the record I'm with my woman although you don't have the right to ask me what I'm doing?" When he said that, I looked up at him in shock. I started looking around to see if there was someone else in the room besides us. I could not believe that he had just said that. I thought to myself this boy is always playing. I blew it off and continued to do what I was doing.

When Ronny got off the phone he finished eating. "Girl that was good as hell. Now that hit the spot," he said. I was glad that he enjoyed my cooking but now I was curious about what had just happened between him and Camilla. I fired up the blunt put on some soft music and we smoked and talked. He was not talking about what I wanted to know. I had to ask him about what had just happened between him and Camilla. He looked up at me for a moment and said, "I really don't want to talk about it right now but I know that you are not going to let it go until I tell you." No I'm not so you might as well tell me what's going on. You're going to tell me sooner or later anyways so just tell me now and let's get it out of the way," I replied. He started to laugh. "You're crazy as hell girl but that's why you're my boo," he said quickly. "What do you mean your boo?" "Well we've been kicking if for a while and I'm tired of seeing these tired ass dudes screwing over you, and I think that you deserve better." "And you're my better I suppose?" "Well yeah, I don't see anyone else here picking up the pieces," he said. I thought about it for a moment and he had a point about a lot of things. I was really tired of being treated like shit. I was ready to experience the finer things in life again and something told me that he could do that.

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Monday, March 21, 2011

You got to have faith

Sometimes you never know what fate might hold for you.  Sometimes fate gives you and unexpected slap in the face and sometimes fate give you the hope that you are looking for.

For everything that was going on all I could do was hold on and pray that something good would happen and soon.  I was starting to drown but I was determined that I was not going to drown.  Everyday I prayed that God would make a way for me.

Not knowing what was going on due to all the drama in my life at the time, there was only one person that stuck in there with me through it all.  Ronny made sure that I was okay and everything around me was okay.  Ronny made sure that I didn't have to want for anything.

After hanging in there with me for six months Ronny called me up and said he was coming over and if I would cook him something to eat.  I didn't have any problem doing anything for him because he was my best friend and he never asked me for anything just a home cook meal every now and then.

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Would you do anything differently? If so what?

Friday, March 18, 2011

You're not mad because I don't want you...You're mad because I F**ked someone else

Nick came up and knocked on the door but I didn't answer.  As he was turning away he saw me across the way sitting between Lamar's legs getting a massage.  Nick got angry, came over to Lamar's and knocked on the door.  I saw him standing in the door.  I got up and went to the door to see what he wanted and why he was coming over to my house.  When I opened the door to see what he wanted Nick grabbed me by the throat and drug me across the way back to my house.  I was hitting him trying to get him off of me but he would not let go of me.

We got in the house and Nick slammed the door with his free hand and threw me on the couch.  I jumped up and he slapped me.  I fell back down on the couch and he told me not to move.  I thought to myself this man is crazy but he doesn't know who he's messing with.  I reached between the pillow to grab the knife that I kept and waited for him to charge at me again because I was going to take his life.

He started yelling and screaming at me talking about how I don't love him because I will sleep with anybody.  The only person that I cared about was myself and some other stuff.  I didn't care what he said as long as he didn't put his hands on me anymore.

Suddenly it came to me that he wasn't mad because I slept with Terrence but he was pissed off because I enjoyed it too much and Terrence did to and it was like he wasn't even there. 

Nick jumped over the table at me and I pulled the knife out.  He seen it and stopped in the middle of his tracks, he started yelling in my face but I was just staring at him because it just didn't phase me anymore.

The police arrived about fifteen minutes later and as they were trying to find out what was going on they heard Nick screaming and I could see the police lights through the window.  I started screaming at Nick. "Don't be mad at me because your boy screwed me better in one night than you did in the four years we were together."  He didn't like that so he slapped me and the police saw him slap me.  They rushed in and threw him on the ground and arrested him for domestic violence.  I had slid the knife back between the cushions so that the police would not see it.  While they were arresting Nick he kept yelling that he was going to get me and I would pay for what I had done to him.

I called Ronny when the police had left and all the commotion died down, and told him what had just happened.  Ronny told me that he would be over the next morning because he had to take care of something first.

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He's just a friend....(JCD)

Ronny's girlfriend found out that he was talking and checking on me a lot and she started thinking that we were messing around.  Ronny would come by at least twice a week just to see if I needed anything or needed to go anywhere.  We were just friends and nothing more than that.

One of Nick's friends had seen Ronny leaving my house one night and went back and told Nick that he had seen some man coming out of my house.

Nick called me and asked me who I had been with.  I started laughing because I thought he was joking.  He started to get angry and told me that he wasn't playing he wanted to know who I was spending my time with.  Still laughing, I told him that it really wasn't any of his business and I hung up the phone.  I looked at the phone and still couldn't believe that he he would really call me after not talking to me for months and still think that he can lay claim.

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Menage a trois......

Terrence fixed us a few more lines and rolled three king size joints.  I was sitting on the floor and they were sitting on the couch.  I snorted a line so hard that it made me dizzy.  I stretched out on the floor to shake it off.  Nick and Terrence snorted their lines and got down on the floor as well.  They both started to suck on my breast and I felt like I had just gone to heaven again.  I was curious but nervous at the same time about what was about to happen.  They both spread my legs and I felt someones hand go down my pants.  I opened my eyes to see who it was and it was Terrence.  After playing with me he pulled his finger out and I watched him lick his fingers.  Terrence was looking at me so sensuous that I got mesmerized by his eyes.  Nick took my pants and panties off and Terrence continued to suck on my breast.  Nick spread my legs apart and started sucking on my sweet nectar.  I could feel Terrence's hand on the inside of my thigh pulling my legs further apart.  I wasn't sure what to do except for what I had seen in porno's.  I let them guide me in the direction that they wanted me to be in.  I was use to having sex with Nick, there was no difference when he entered me.  Terrence was huge and I couldn't wait to feel what he was working with but I couldn't let Nick see that I really wanted to sleep with Terrence and not him so I waited.  When it was Terrence's turn before he even entered me all the way he had gave me head so good that I felt like my head was going to pop off.  He barely entered me and I started to scream, he was spreading me farther than any man had ever done.  I loved every bit of Terrence and i didn't want him to stop and he kept giving it to me long and hard.  After we were done I realized that was the first time that a man had ever made me have an orgasm.  I have had some good dick but none like that.  Terrence took me to a new level, he brought a lot out of me that I didn't even know that I had.

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On cloud 9

One night Nick called me up and said that he and Terrance were going to kick it and Cindy would be over there after she got off work.  Nick didn't want to be alone with them so he asked me to go with him.  I didn't want to but Malik hadn't called me.  I decided that I would go.  Nick had bought me a bottle of Alize and some weed to get me through the night.  We got over to Terrence's and played dominoes for a while and drank and got high as hell.

Terrance pulled out some cocaine and at first I watched them toot a couple of lines.  I had seen other people do it but I had never tried it myself.  I only smoked weed and nothing harder than that.  I thought what the hell it's not like I'm going to get addicted or anything; I tooted my first two lines.  I sat back in the chair and I felt like I had just gone to heaven.  Between the wee, cocaine and the alcohol I was feeling no pain.

Cindy called and said that she had to work a double and she would not be getting off until seven in the morning.

I was really starting to like the way that I was feeling.  For hours we kept tooting and smoking weed.  I was drunk but not that drunk.  I was higher than anything.  I was on a level that I had never been on before.

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From two different sets (JCD)

Ronny was driving and Malik was sitting on the passenger side when they came to the house.  They were driving a Cutlass that was tricked out.

Whey they pulled up at the house I was kind of nervous because they looked like some gang bangers.  The car was blue and they were dressed in all blue.  I wasn't quite sure if I should be riding with them or even going anywhere with them especially knowing that I was a Blood and that wasn't even cool.

I made them get out of the car and come in for a little while.  We talked and laughed for a long time while getting blowed.  They were comical they really liked to make people laugh.  Thy were rolling 20's but they didn't care that I was a Blood they just started calling me bright.  We laughed about it and then decided to go for a ride.

They were going over to one of their homies house and they asked me if I wanted to go.  I finished getting dressed and while I was looking for the shoes I wanted to wear they started teasing me about me having a closet just for my shoes and that wasn't including the shoes that I had in my bedroom closet.  I put on my shoes and we rode out.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Meeting Malik and Ronny (JCD)

Every day was starting to be a party for me.  I drank every day.  Christina and I would go through a bottle of Alize every day sometimes two bottles depending on what was going on at the time.

One night we decided to stay at the house and invite some of the home girls over and just have a girl's night.  I fixed a veggie and fruit tray, a meat, cheese and cracker tray and we had three bottles of Alize and an ounce of weed, we were set for the night.

The first thing we decided to do was talk about work for those of us who had jobs and of course all of them hated on me because I didn't have a job and they couldn't understand how I was keeping my spot with no job.  Then we started talking about me and how I was tricking men out of their money and doing each others hair.

Christina told me that she had this number and she wanted me to call and see who answered the phone.  I called the number and this guy named Malik answered the phone he asked me who I was and I told him my name.  He asked me how I got his phone number.  I gave him this story about how someone game me the number and told me to call it and see if a woman answered the phone.

Malik was with his homeboy Ronny and I could hear him in the background telling Malik what to say.  I talked to Malik for about thirty minutes and then he told me that he had to go and would call me later but before he hung up the phone Ronny grabbed the phone from him and told me not to hang up.  From the conversations that I had with Malik and Ronny I could tell they were cool, down to earth people.  People that I would like to get to know better but I am not going to let them know that, not right now anyways.  I talked to them everyday for about a week and then we decided to hook up.

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What's all the commotion?

While I was stripping we could hear all of this commotion outside but we didn't pay any attention to what was going on.  The closer the noise got to our room we could tell that someone was banging on every door and calling out his name.

Damarcus heard his name but he said that it wasn't anything and to continue pleasing him.  When I heard that it was a man calling his name I started getting nervous because I knew that this wasn't natural.  I told him that maybe I should go but he told me not to leave that he would handle the situation and for me not to worry about it.  I started to shake because I could feel that something was wrong.  I was putting on my clothes when the knock finally came to our door.  Damarcus would not open the door because he said that if he didn't open the door they would just go away.  "Damarcus, I know that you are in there and you can come out now.  Don't do this the hard way," said the calm but angry deep voice.  Now I just wanted to run out of the room and get away from what was about to happen next.  I went in the bathroom to see if there was a window that I could escape out of but there wasn't.  Damarcus had told me very quietly to sit down on the bed and calm down.  It was hard for me to calm down when my gut was telling me that something was wrong.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Just doin Me

I was starting to get popular in the streets but no men would ever say anything bad about me.  If you heard anything bad about me it was from some chick.  The women around the town were really starting to hate me and hate on me but I wasn't tripping.  I wasn't going to change who I was and as long as I was still being able to pay my bills, the hell with what anyone else thought.  All I knew was that I wanted to be free.  I just wanted to do whatever it was that I wanted to do and that's what I did.

I had met this guy about a week after Kevin's party his name was Damarcus.  Damarcus was tall, built, and had the prettiest black skin that you would ever see in your life.  He was a thug and he wasn't ashamed to let people know that he was a thug.  I really didn't want to mess with any thugs but this was not about finding a relationship, this was about the money.  As long as he was willing to up that cash I was willing to mess with him anytime he called me.

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Make that money girl

People never understood me except for the people that I really hung with.  I have always been versatile.  When I am home I am down to earth.  I smoke my weed and love to party and occasionally whip some ass from time to time.  When I am at work, I turn white.  I am very proper speaking, detailed oriented and good at what I do.  I was getting tired of working a nine to five.  I quit and just got my money the best way I knew how.  The only way for me to that was to get my hustle on.  Something I knew how to do oh so well.

I started meeting all kind of men and they were asking me out on dates but I already knew that all they wanted was some of my sweet nectar and I was willing to give them some but it was going to cost them.  I met Louis at work, he was a buyer, he made good money.  He was shy and very quiet but he was very frank about what he wanted and what he was willing to do for it.  I was cool with that because I liked a man that knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it.  I met up with him once a week after work, every Thursday was his night.  He was always on time and right to the point.  The sex wasn't all that good but he could definitely suck on that pearl.

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Monday, March 14, 2011

Livin the single life

Living the single life was great.  I could go and come as I please, and I didn't have to answer to anybody.  I had moved in my new place and I was starting to settle in.  The move was not easy because I had never lived alone.  I was not use to living alone but I was really starting to enjoy living by myself.

Living alone means that you can go and come as you please and you don't have to answer to anybody, you don't have to pick up after anybody, you can lay around in nothing all day and don't have to worry about anyone walking in on you or any of that and I am loving it.

Every Saturday morning, I would get up and smoke me a joint, watch Soul Train, and thumb through the newspaper.  I see that Max is having a sale but before I can get in the streets I have to clean up my house because when I get done with a hard day of shopping, I just want to come in, put my stuff up and relax.  I don't want to have to do any extras.  Besides I never know who I might meet and want to bring home.

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thank you Mr. Greenwood for saving my life

When I went to school the next day I was covered up from head to toe and I wasn't my happy go lucky self.  My favorite teacher, coach and mentor noticed that I wasn't myself when I was in his class.  When class was over he asked me to stay.  I thought that I was in trouble or something was wrong with my grades.  Mr. Greenwood asked me if everything was okay.  I wanted to be strong and not tell anyone what was going on at home but I just couldn't keep it bottled in anymore.  Starting to cry I told Mr. Greenwood what was going on.  I could tell that he wanted to believe me but he wasn't sure if he did, until I showed him the bruises all over my body.  When he seen the bruises he grabbed me and hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe.  Mr. Greenwood started to cry and rushed me to the counselor's office.  When we got to the counselor's office Mr. Greenwood had told Mrs. Charleston what was going on with me and that I needed some serious help.  Mrs. Charleston gave Mr. Greenwood her word that she would help me.

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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I want to kill you right now

For months I was scared to tell Nick what was going on because I felt like if anybody knew they would judge me and blame me for what was going on at Elenor's  Not only would they judge and blame me but I knew in my hear that they would think that I enjoyed it.  On a Friday night Nick came to pick me up and we were going to go out for dinner and a movie.  When he got there to pick me up Elenor and I were fighting because I had just had enough and she always thought that Reece was right.  I told her what had been going on and she slapped me.  I was stunned that she would slap me like that and I was telling the truth about her husband.  I got angry and jumped over the couch at her with a blade in my hand.  At that moment I knew that I was going to kill Elenor.  Jacquilla heard us fighting and jumped in to try to break us up.  She jumped on my back to stop me from killing Elenor and when I saw that it was my little sister I got her off of me and I ran out the door.  I was standing at the corner of the house in the dark so that no one could see me but I could see them.  Nick pulled up and before he got out of the car I ran to the car and jumped in and told him to go.

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Men...Take care of your children

Nick told me that he had a son that lived in Joplin, and he was going to fight to see his son.  I liked that about him, because it is very important to that men take care of their children.

My belief is a man that can't take care of his kids can't take care of his woman.  Many women don't believe that but I do and I live by it.  I was glad to know that he wanted to take care of his child.  I was going to help him do just that, however I could.

Nick got split custody of his son and he got visitation rights to keep him for the summer.  He was glad to finally have the chance to get some quality time with his son but he had to go to Joplin to get him because his baby's mama wouldn't meet him half way, because she was mad that the judge had given Nick everything that he asked for.  He went to Joplin with Rosetta to pick his son up and bring him back.  In the mean time I cleaned up the house real good and got the room that he was going to be staying in ready for him.  They were going to stay at Debra's.  When they got back to the house they were glad to be back but I could tell that something was  wrong with Nick.  "What's wrong babe?" I said.  "I just want a double shot of Henney a fat joint and some peace and fucking quiet right now," he said with an attitude.  I fixed him a drink and rolled us a joint and when I lit the joint he started to vent.

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